El Cuir
If you would’ve asked my five-year-old self what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would’ve probably told you I wanted to be a dancer. I have vague memories of my sister showing me cumbia steps while Fito Olivarez and La Sonora Dinamita played in the background. It quickly became my party trick at the family carne asada.
I remember a particular one. I must’ve been around 6 or 7 years old. The women were inside preparing the food and listening to music while the men were outside drinking beer around the grill. I remember I was skipping and dancing around outside and one of the men put his hand out and stopped me, he said “ey haste pa ya pinche chiquillo joto, ni te me acerques”.
I look back at that day and I think that's when everything began to change. It was my first experience of homophobia but unfortunately, it wouldn’t be my last. My family had always been very supportive and protective over me and it was such a shame that it still ended up happening in our own home.
I’ve struggled with my identity ever since.
Now I look at my queer little self and it brings tears to my eyes. I was so happy and free. I’d give anything to have the confidence I had back then. I was bullied, attacked, and ridiculed all through middle school and high school for being who I am. I’ve tried to block most of it away from my memory but I still have flashes of blood, hidden bruises, and spending my lunch in the bathroom stall. I remember my mom's confused face and my sister fighting with the school faculty. Teachers would see me getting bullied and they would completely ignore it. I was in a very dark place and I'd be lying if I said it hasn't affected my adult life. Although I no longer have suicidal thoughts, I do still struggle with depression.
Some may argue that times are changing and that the world is more accepting of the lgbtq+ community, but it breaks my heart to see that kids are still taking their own lives because they’re not being accepted in school or at home.
So here’s a friendly reminder to let your queer family and friends know that you love them and you celebrate them. Not just on pride month but all year round. Most importantly please protect our lgbtq+ youth!
